Maybe the grosses thing I’ve posted

So someone who works as a producer for Man Vs Wild got bit by a snake… THIS is the picture, which..arrrghghghhhh

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HO HO HO

Things are getting serious between Jana Kramer and Brantley Gilbert! Not only are they posing with Santa, but word is they bought a house together in Nashville. Is this Nashville’s next power couple???

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A primer on Race Walking

Why the hell is Mall Walking an Olympic Event? I can’t answer THAT, but I can tell you a few things about it..because I wasted some time looking it up.

Here it is in a nut shell. You walk as fast as you can WITHOUT running. The basic way to tell the difference is the sillier you LOOK, the more likely you are doing it RIGHT. Walking is determined by a couple of things.

1) you must always have 1 foot on the ground.

2) from the time your front foot hits the ground till the time your body passed over and is in front of that leg your knee MUST remain straight. Go ahead and try that… I’ll wait.

You gain speed by properly using your hips… but don’t swing them side to side that apparently is inefficient. Actually unlike regular walking, or running if you could see your footprints they would be in almost a straight line. (yes that does make it look even sillier. See what I told you?) Here is an illustration from a racewalking site that shows proper foot placement.

So the longer step I take the fast I am..RIGHT?  Nope, again silly looking is better. One of the big strategical mis steps (pun intended) is OVER striding. You apparently lose efficiency by taking too long of a step and having you heel come down hard. It looks like this.

On the surface this LOOKS like an instance where it looks sillier to do it wrong rather than right…but NO doing it right is even sillier looking.

A couple other things. Unlike at the mall, you are not allowed to listen to any music or radio. Also unlike the mall there are judges who follow you around and watch your stride. Take in improper step and you get a red card. Three red cards and you are disqualified from the race…and yes that happens at the Olympics.

WHAT DO I DO WITH MY ARMS? Again, silly looking is better. Don’t just swing them like you are walking to get the mail or the morning paper. I just cut and pasted this from the website racewalk.com.

Proper use of the arms is key to mastering the hip motion just described. Synchronizing arm and hip motion maximizes efficiency and speed.Each arm should travel from a couple of inches behind the hip to just above the chest line. You generate the primary power for arm movement by driving the shoulder on the backwards swing of your arm. Do not try to generate power by wildly pumping your arm backward or thrusting it forward.  Just use the shoulder as a fulcrum and let the arms swing like a pendulum. Here are pictures from the site of proper and improper arm motion.

Finally: What are some things I can say during the race to make people around me THINK I know what the hell I’m talking about?

HE’S OVERSTRIDING!  Just say it occasionally. They won’t know what it means either, but just say it and them give them some cock and bull explanation that the heel was at too sharp of an angle.. Remember, they know less than you do.

THATS A RED CARD! followed by something about bending a knee or having both feet off the ground, then say “y’know, three red cards is a DQ. Again, they know less than you so the fact that you know THAT will make them think everything else you said is true too since you know that!

Hope it helps.

Jim

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Bachelorette spoiler

I have been threatened within an inch of my life if I publicly give the winner of the Bachelorette.. If you have just stumbled on this.. and don’t want to know. STOP READING!!!

If on the other hand you want to seem “all knowing” to your friends and even make a small side bet……… bet on…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

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Jef…… He and Emily got engaged in Curacao….

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HEY! I HAVE A NEW JOB

Starting April 4th, I will be the new Morning Guy on WRNS in New Bern/Jacksonville/Greenville N.C. I’ll be back on wake up duty and playing Country music. Can’t wait. You can listen on line, there are apps for your smartphones too…. OR you could sell your house and move down!! Weather is great, beach is about 30 minutes away and there is sailing everywhere!! Not to mention fishing and I hear there are a couple golf courses in N.C. too!!

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WHATS THAT OLD SAYING ABOUT A WOMEN SCORNED?

Remember the crazy astronaut that drive from Houston to Fla. in a diaper to confront a romantic rival? Meet her runner up. We don’t have a name but we know at one point she and her husband lived in Chicago. She now lives on the East Coast.  Here is what we know.

Her husband says they are separated but not divorced. She says they are married but living separately because of work. He said he was going to a business conference, that happened to be in St. Lucia and he was accompanied by a “friend” from Turkey who happened to be female.

When the wife put 2 and 2 together she flew to Chicago and went to the home they still own together and was shocked to find that he had hidden any sign of her or their marriage. She also found womens clothes that weren’t hers in her closet (ominous music here!!)

She could have hidden in the bathtub with a knife like in that Michael Douglas movie.. but instead she took scissors and cut the crotch out of all the clothes in closet. Then stuffed them in a suitcase and set it in the driveway and flew home to the East Coast. She did about $2,000.00 worth of damage. Cops are still trying to sort this one out.

Here’s the amazing part of the story.  She doesn’t live in the house but she found the scissors? I’m MY HOUSE every day and can NEVER find the scissors!!!!

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Hoarder’s can’t part with anything.. ANYTHING!!

Hoarding is a terrible affliction. But a compelling one too! Cancer is awful but no one makes a tv show about someone suffering from that. Hoarding is a different story. Gladys Jean Bergmeier in St. Louis was a hoarder and when neighbors didn’s see her for a couple days, they tried calling. Then the neighbor realized they were calling during the Young and Restless and knew Gladys wouldn’t answer the phone till it was over. But she didn’t answer then either so they called the family who called the cops and came and found her dead, in her pj’s in bed.

A couple weeks later as family members were cleaning out the stuff she never threw away, they found something valuable to Gladys that she obviously couldn’t part with, THE MUMMIFIED REMAINS OF HER MOTHER BURRIED UNDER A BUNCH OF OTHER STUFF!!!!

The even weirder thing is that no one ever remember seeing mom visit let alone live there. Mom was wrapped in plastic and a curtain and presumably now will receive a proper burial.

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Designated Drivers Ed. Or, OJT

Teaching your kids to drive, one of the things parents have to do and it scares the hell out of you. Sometimes more than others. Like when you kid hits a couple cars on their first lesson, panics, hits the gas and runs into a house. Lets back up, because there is a back story. It was the girls first attempt at driving so a main road probably wasn’t the best choice BUT they had to go on that road because Mommy and her boyfriend were too drunk to drive SO they handed the girl the keys, boyfriend in the front seat riding shotgun and Mom jumps in the backseat with her other kid, an 8 year old boy.

Oh.. The designated drivers ed student, getting her first lesson? She is 10!!! 10 years old and boyfriend and Mom realize they are drunk so he proposes the idea and mom agrees. Mom may get 18 months in jail. The 10 year old will probably be mortified to drive ever again. She hit 3 cars and a house in about 30 seconds. Boy, is her little brother going to have fun with THIS! And it probably won’t surprise you that this happened in…..FLORIDA!!

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Gator Vs housepet….Who ya got?

We hear the stories out of Florida all the time, people out walking their dogs near canals and WHAM Gator chomps Fido… Check this out.

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TODAY’S STORY FROM THE RELIGION OF PEACE

Remember early in Iraq when some insurgents ran and hid in a Mosque and our troops were’t allowed to do anything to them because they were in a Mosque? Can you say double standard?

 ”An army unit loyal to Gadhafi opened fire with automatic weapons on a mosque where residents — some armed with hunting rifles for protection — have been holding a sit-in to support protesters in the capital, a witness said. The troops blasted the mosque’s minaret with an anti-aircraft gun. A doctor at a field clinic set up at the mosque said he saw the bodies of 10 dead, shot in the head and chest, as well as around 150 wounded.”

We now return you to your “religion of peace.”

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